Writing

YEAR 2155

BETWEEN MARS & JUPITER

“Mr. Miller, we hope that you slept well. Please contact your sectional manager as soon as possible. A repair has been requested in the engine room.”

Miller sat up, the light of a simulated morning sun crept into the room. Despite over 18 hours of deep sleep, his body still ached. Rubbing his eyes, he pressed a button on the control panel next to the bed to acknowledge the automated message that had been relayed to him. Very slowly, he rose and realized that he had slept through the first and likely second alert from the system. This sped up the pace of his getting ready, but not by much. After joining the expedition, he had been more motivated by the thrill of the unknown and the compensation promised but now at 6 months in that had waned significantly. 

He pulled his work jumpsuit on, a gray semi-protective Foyle Corporation model, and steeled his mind for the day ahead. His previous work assignment had been 12 hours straight of cabling for new sleeping quarters, as they were set to pick up another group of scientists at the next port. He listened to the groans and hums of the ship, which always set him on edge. Even after getting acclimated to the environment, he couldn’t help the faint anxiety that came with waking up on what was essentially a metal box hurtling through empty space. When dozing off for sleep, he often imagined the floor of the ship falling out beneath him or a molten piece of iron the size of a grain of sand ripping through his skull at an unfathomable speed. 

A voice broke into his room,“Miller, I don’t mean to be rude, but I really need you to get down here as soon as possible. Please acknowledge.”

 It was Chin, technically his boss. “I’ll be right there Chin, just a bit groggy from the sleeping cycle on the machine. I think I might have adjusted my tranq levels a bit too high on the last fix, it’s making it hard to wake up.” 

Chin was not impressed, “Sure Miller, just hurry.” 

Miller could not remember if he had used that excuse recently or ever, but from Chin’s reaction it didn’t seem like the first time. The machines that they used to sleep and wake up were necessary due to the lack of sunlight on most of the ship, each person was expected to always be on call so being able to rest and rise quickly was important. Miller had only pulled a few shifts over 20 hours, but they had at least given him enough time to recover to make up for that. He pulled on the protective boots that he had brought with him from back home, likely not regulation but no doubt more heat & shock resistant than what had been given to him by Foyle Corp. 

The door hissed and slid open and he walked out into the darkness of the habitation hallway, lights slowly brightening around him as the ship detected his presence. PARAGON, the ship’s name, was printed continuously on the walls. Miller had noticed that the further back he went, the more the font of the word changed, a sign that the funding of the voyage had come in spurts as the corporation raised more money and interest as time went on. 

The purpose of the voyage was unclear to everyone that he had spoken to, but it seemed to be more of proof of concept than anything. The front of the ship holding most of the worker’s quarters and amenities was attached to the rear in an unusual way, signifying that the larger engine and research section he was headed to was added as an afterthought (or perhaps paid for to be added by later investors.) 

The interior of the vessel was utilitarian, but not uncomfortable. Shades of gray and blue were common; the walls and floor shared the same polymer paneling that was surprisingly comfortable to walk on and generally soft to the touch. The ship itself was of a smaller class, large enough for only around 150 passengers at any time but was made slightly larger with the addition of the rear section that was done as a custom job by some specialized shipwright. As he approached the separation point leading to the rear of the ship, Miller wondered how much money and time had been spent modifying what had started as a civilian class cruiser into a pseudo-research vessel with a massive engine bay. 

He scanned himself in through the security lock. This door and one other leading into the engine bay were the two of the only secured points on the entire vessel, but Miller had access to almost every door due to the nature of his work. He quickened his pace, realizing that Chin had likely been waiting for over 20 minutes for him to arrive at this point. He arrived at Chin’s office slightly out of breath, the ship’s weaker artificial gravity had affected his fitness after half a year aboard. Most of the workers had already rotated out several times, 6 months was already longer than most non-military personnel would spend off-planet but the pay and his general lack of prospects had convinced Miller to stay on. 

“Good morning, Chin,” Miller said with a hint of irony. There was no real way to keep track of time outside of nuclear clocks set to Earth’s GMT, but keeping some level of normalcy helped on longer voyages. “Hello Miller, I’m sorry to hear that you keep having so much trouble with your circadian regulator,” he said dryly. “Anyway, it’s not like I can fire you until we get to the next port, so maybe you can help me out with something until then.” Miller produced a nicotine patch from his pocket and offered one to Chin as he continued speaking, “One of the doctors that works in the engine room is complaining of hearing what sounds like electrical interference, apparently none of the levels are off and everything is functioning normally but it’s disturbing their research.”

“Electrical interference?” Miller was confused. “There shouldn’t be anything audible, especially back there, I thought the entire section was double insulated?”

 Chin shrugged, “I’m not sure either Miller, the fusion drive or whatever it is that’s powering us is state of the art and also the only reason we’re all here in the first place.” 

“What do you mean? This isn’t just some aimless cruise through space? That’s what everyone says up front at least.” Miller said this, only half joking. 

“Look, I’m just a middle manager between the crew and the research team. I barely talk to them, but I think the engine is some new tech that Foyle Corp. and another company are working on. I used to be in the forces, and this ship moves faster than any of the military cruisers I was ever on. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but we’re already halfway to Jupiter and we’ve been to Earth and Mars to switch the crew out more than once, this thing is moving.” 

Miller considered what Chin was saying. He’d never been off planet before this job, but it made sense. To go from Mars where he’d gotten on board to Earth and back and then some in only 6 months was faster than anything he’d ever heard of. “Get this,” Chin said while grinning,” We’re not even using fifteen percent of the ship’s full power. I’ve heard them talking about it when I go to grab a coffee, they’ve been ramping it up slowly over time but I think they’re under orders to keep it capped.”

“Huh, so if they punch it too hard then we go nuclear or something?” Miller said as he stretched the fatigue out of his arms. 

“I have no idea; I just know that they’re bitching about hearing an electrical noise in the engine room. You know that these intelligent types start losing it if one thing goes wrong or they’re the slightest bit uncomfortable. Why do you think they all have windows and kitchens in their rooms? Have to make sure that everyone is happy so they can make Foyle richer with whatever they’re working on.” Chin was swiping through some files on his personal display before landing on one. 

“Here, this is one of the two doctors you’ll follow up with,” he said as he sent their profiles over with another swipe of his finger. “Alright Chin, thanks. It’s probably just a loose power cable or something under the floor or one of the lights acting up, I’ll take care of it.” 

Miller gave a half-hearted salute before walking out, he heard Chin laugh softly before he closed the door to the office. The research that had been going on had never interested him before, he’d only had limited contact with the Foyle Corp employees up till this point anyway. But what Chin had relayed to him had piqued his interest, Miller had a vague memory of reading technical manuals on long distance space travel earlier in his life. What was even more remarkable to him was that he hadn’t noticed the speed that they were moving whatsoever, artificial gravity took a lot of discomfort out of space travel but to cover as much distance as they had in only 6 months was unusual. It had only felt like a few weeks since he boarded the ship but the lack of sunlight and artificial sleep patterns had a way of distorting lived experience.

Miller made his way through the research section of the ship, passing a few offices and computer rooms on the way. The Paragon looked much different here, the design was dominated by curved surfaces, rooms that opened into open circular layouts and corridors that were dead ends. The researchers here all ignored him, the gravity was weaker here on purpose so that they could jump between levels using harnesses that clipped into the back of their undersuits. He stopped and admired the scene for a moment; the researchers moved around like spiders building a web of understanding. They sometimes paused to speak with each other, but most were engrossed in their own work. 

He descended the stairs to the engine room, stopping to scan into the final security checkpoint. Miller had never been this far into the ship, the environment here reminded him of a padded cell. The floors and walls were the texture of glass but looked like white concrete, everything was basked in faint orange light. The rest of the ship felt corporate, mundane even, so strongly that when Miller had stepped on board initially, it was like walking into an office or warehouse on Mars. This was something else entirely, it felt sterile and full of purpose.

Continuing further, he finally found an office where one of the two researchers was sitting idly with her head in her hands. “Doctor Hadrian?” Her head rose and she looked at him blankly. “Yes, you’re the repair tech? Thank God, these sounds are driving me crazy. Dr. Marshall is asleep right now, he’s been having to do the bulk of the monitoring work because I can’t stand to be in the engine room for more than 5 minutes. I’m sure the way that Chin described it to you must have made me sound silly, but this is a real issue and is affecting our work.”

“What exactly is your work, Doctor?” Miller scanned the room, the furniture seemed to be made from the same glass-like substance that lined the hallways. Dr. Hadrian sat behind a desk with a singular floating screen, the seats of the chairs and the floor were draped with what looked like the fur of a large animal. 

She smiled, “We monitor the output of the engine, adjust the course of the voyage, Dr. Marshall handles the corporeal side of things. I handle the theoretical.” She regarded him for a moment, a flash of confusion showing on her face before becoming flat again. 

“How much theoretical work is there to do on a voyage consisting of picking up and dropping off workers from the ports on Earth and Mars?” 

“Quite a bit Mr. Miller, especially when you’re moving as quickly as we have been, which I’m sure you’ve noticed.” She paused to take a sip of her water, motioning to the wall which showed a feed of the engine itself. “This room is just down the end of the hall to the left, if you could take a look and see if there’s anything out of order I’d appreciate it. Be careful not to touch the engine or any of the interfaces, any changes to the environment could prove to be potentially catastrophic.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind Doctor… If you don’t mind me asking, what are you hearing when you’re referring to this sound? Does it seem electrical or mechanical? I’ll do my best but I have a feeling just from coming down here that it may be above my pay grade. I fix grav repulsors, screens, that type of thing. I’ve never seen anything this sophisticated in my life.” 

She smiled blankly again, “You’ll have to see for yourself. Try not to linger down there Mr. Miller, we’ve only just begun to document the effects of prolonged exposure to the area around the engine. We can’t turn the engine off while we’re traveling of course.” 

He felt a flash of uncertainty, “Whatever you say, I’ll do my best Doctor.” He stood up to leave, and Hadrian reached across the desk touching his arm.

“Miller one more thing, I just want to reiterate that Dr. Marshall is resting in his office. Please do not disturb him.” 

——–

The entryway into the engine room was a robust titanium double door, the open/close function a single button. Miller breathed in deeply, a cold sweat had started on the back of his neck, and he felt as if his body was planted so firmly in the ground that he could not move. Each step down the hallway from the Doctor’s office added more weight to his gait until he stood immobilized. He had grown tired of the minor issues he had been called to fix, thinking that he would finally disembark the voyage at the next stop on Mars. After his last conversation, he wondered what the punishment would be for disobedience on a corporate starship and whether he was willing to forfeit the pay that he had endured 6 months of monotony for. 

“Hello?”

Miller turned around quickly, thinking that Hadrian or Marshall had followed him to give him a last-minute tip or perhaps just end his suffering before it even began. There was no one to be seen. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. This long off planet would start to get to anyone, and Miller was certainly not the picture of a sound mind or courage. He depressed the button and the door opened completely silently in an instant. 

He stepped into the room, his footsteps strangely silent on the floor. The room was large, cavernous. It seemed unnaturally large, extending past the dimensions of what the ship should be able to allow. It was lit inside by the same weak orange hue that was found in the hallway leading up to where he spoke with Hadrian. There were no screens, displays, and a very distinct lack of monitoring equipment. Miller assumed that this must have all been done by the two doctors directly from their offices, but upon considering the layout of the entire lower engine level it seemed strange that such a presumably valuable piece of equipment was only being directly overseen by two individuals. 

The engine itself was massive, he had only ever seen educational diagrams and the remains of other stellar engines in junkyards as the materials used to make them were normally recycled due to their cost but this was unlike anything he was familiar with. It looked less like the driving force of a starship and more like a small house. The structure was crystalline, pillars of luminescent rock forming a confusing and angular battery. It looked haphazardly constructed and yet almost perfect in odd symmetry, he felt emotionally moved and frightened when he looked at it for too long. There were grav-repulsor assisted cables and nodes hanging in the air that snaked in and out of the body of the ship, perhaps the method of drawing power from the structure. 

Miller realized in a moment of clarity that he had not received any real instruction from either Chin or Hadrian herself, just to find the source of the sound that bothered the doctors so much. He felt like a clumsy child in the presence of the engine, the sounds of his breathing and footsteps polluting the serenity of the room with their irregularity. Neither the engine nor the machinery attached to it produced any noise, and the insulation from the rest of the ship removed even the groans of space travel that he had begun to be accustomed to. He clapped his hands just to hear something, and the sound disappeared into the enormity of the room as quickly as he had made it. He supposed that if Hadrian or Marshall worked in this room frequently then they must have been either insane or so dedicated to their work that this environment didn’t bother them. 

He began to walk around the room, the closer to the engine that he was the more he felt at ease. He was almost within arm’s reach when he heard the whisper again:

“Hello? Hello?” 

He fell backward, the soft words cutting through the oppressive silence of the chamber. He looked around the room, thinking that one of the doctors was speaking to him through a hidden audio transmitter or an opening into their office. The top of the ceiling was shadowed but the walls of the room were entirely smooth and featureless, nothing discernible. 

“Hello, Dr. Hadrian, is that you?” He croaked out through a stuck throat. 

“Look inside, closer!” It was less like a voice and more like a feeling, the words seemed to reverberate through his mind rather than through his ears.

He turned again toward the engine, perceiving what appeared to be an opening within the terrible symmetry. He took cautious steps toward the structure, and the crystal pillars changed without moving. In one moment, it looked like nothing had changed at all, but the next the features of the engine morphed to show an entirely different picture. Just before reaching the engine, he reached his hand out to touch one of the pillars. 

“Slowly, restrain yourself.”

Miller recoiled back, stumbling. As he stood up he felt his body shaking and his throat dry and mute. He resumed his journey of only a few feet and took a step into the forest of pillars, ducking under the cabling and horizontal outcroppings of the engine and found himself cut off from the place he was before. He could no longer see the room he once stood in and his breathing became ragged. A hum reverberated through his mind at an unnatural frequency, until he heard the voice.

“Can you hear me?” 

He shook his head, his senses rejecting the situation. 

“Please.” He heard.

Miller responded, “Where are you? How can I hear you?” 

“Right here, right in front of you.” 

Miller stumbled, his hand grasping one of the pillars for support. Suddenly he was overwhelmed by a vision of a structure and room not unlike the one he had been standing in. He looked around and saw the shape of a woman standing just ahead of him in the forest of pillars and cables. 

He called out,” Who are you? How did you get into this room? How…”

He was cut off, the apparition raised her hand to ask for silence. She turned toward him, her body was like a shadow on the wall of a distant room. 

“My name is Helena. How did you come to be in this place?” 

“I was asked to fix a disturbance in the engine room, how did you get in here? Do you work for the Corporation?”

“Corporation? What do you mean? What engine are you referring to?”

Miller stuttered, “I work for Foyle, this is the room that holds the stellar engine, how did you…”

She cut him off again, “Oh… You must have figured it out. It’s been so long…” 

“I haven’t figured anything out, I’m a repairman. I fix displays and cut cables. What is this place?” 

He felt her sigh, “This is a place between, a crossroads if you understand the concept. The engine as you call it is simply a reflection of many reflections, a way forward.” 

“What the hell are you talking about? I was in the engine room of the Paragon, and now I’m here with you. I need you to tell me what’s going on.” 

The specter walked toward him, “Miller is your name, yes? If the Paragon is a vessel, you must be its operator. What is that you repair?”

He took a moment to consider her question, “Not much of anything. We’ve been going for 6 months; I’ve never seen something like this engine. They asked me to fix the noise that they’d been hearing.” 

She seemed to laugh, it felt like a melody composed of his most cherished memories. “I knew someone who could fix anything once…But this place is different, I haven’t even begun to understand it myself.” 

“Where are we exactly, Helena?” It felt good to say her name. “Will I be able to get back to where I was?” 

“Yes, in fact that’s all you can do. This is a place of certainty and probability, paradoxical but also the only place that makes sense.” She continued, “We are existing opposite of one another, further away than you can possibly conceive of. It’s like looking into a mirror reflecting into another mirror that doesn’t exist.” 

She sounded incoherent, but then again nothing about the scenario that he was in was rational. He could feel the truth of what she said. “Can you see me as I see you now?” He asked her. 

“Yes, you’re perceiving the essence of my being as I am with you. I do not have a word for what this place is, but it’s accessible to everyone if you know where to look. Some use it for energy, others for worship. It’s been leveraged as a tool of destruction and a saving grace.” 

“Are we in heaven, Helena? Or something like it at least?” 

She laughed, “No Miller, you’re very alive; I don’t mean to keep you in the dark, but the nature of this place can be troubling to some. I have certain obligations but it’s not by coincidence that you’ve found yourself here.” 

Miller stood in the soft light of the structure watching the candle of her body flicker in and out of perception. He realized now that he wasn’t speaking to her in the traditional sense, his words had been flowing from his mind rather than his mouth. “Can you help me to understand?”

She was observing him. He was limited in his ability to grasp the situation fully, but he could feel the reverence that she had for the place that they shared. “This isn’t just an engine, is it?” She shook her head in response. 

“It may be to you, as I said before it has and will be many different things to a multitude of people. To hope to understand the full scope of it is something that would take many lifetimes for better men and women than you or I. You may be using it as a source of energy, but I would advise that you not overestimate your understanding. ”

“I don’t understand anything,” Miller laughed. “I can hardly even show up to work on time.” 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” she said while pacing through the columns of cold crystal. “I have to go now, but we will speak again.” 

He felt unusual sadness hearing this. “Can you come back with me? To the Paragon?” 

“I cannot, but you will find me again. You know more than you realize.” She turned away and Miller and he found himself sitting on the floor of the engine room.

—————-

Miller had stumbled back into the hallway leading into the engine room before Hadrian found him. 

“Miller, where have you been? It’s been hours since you went in, I haven’t seen you anywhere on the scanners. Were you tampering with the engine? I can have you jettisoned from the ship for that, very easily.” She stood over him as he slumped against the wall. 

He ignored her threat and her questions, “Hadrian, what exactly do you know about that engine? Who built it?” Miller felt like he had run a marathon, it had only been minutes for him inside the engine but he could hardly keep his eyes open. 

She responded, “That’s not relevant to your position whatsoever. Tell me what’s going on with you.” It was the first time that he noticed her appearance, middle aged with fading blonde hair. Tall for a woman, carrying an imposing level of professional grace. She would have been attractive if not for the coldness that her voice and face showed. Her demeanor was that of someone who had survived a great tragedy and she feared that one loss of control would bring it back.

He debated briefly whether to tell her the truth or not, “Doctor, I think I just fell asleep near the engine while I was searching for the cause of the sound. I did hear it as well. I couldn’t find the source of the disturbance, but the engine must have hidden my heat signature from your instruments. I apologize; my sleep machine has been heavy on the tranquilizer dosage recently.” 

She regarded him, searching for a trace of dishonesty. He smiled crookedly, trying to play the part of the fool or perhaps just out of nervousness. 

His act seemed to work, she spoke measuredly, “Very well Mr. Miller. I’m glad that someone else was able to hear the sound, I was beginning to think that I was going crazy. To answer your question, the engine was constructed on Mars by the corporation. I know very little about its origins, I think that the team that built it hardly understood it either before deciding to jam it into a civilian-class cruiser.”

She continued, “Dr. Marshall and myself were contracted from a governmental lunar research facility to study and monitor this voyage, it had been quite uneventful for most of our journey until we were instructed to increase the power draw. That was about a month ago and the beginning of the sounds. If you haven’t found the source of those noises, I’ll need you to come back after your next sleep cycle to find a solution to the problem.”

Miller nodded slowly as she took a step back, giving him some breathing room. “Will do. Where is Doctor Marshall? I haven’t seen him since I got down here.” Miller looked over her shoulder down the hall where the other doctor’s quarters were. 

“He’s resting now, you must have slept through our shift change,” she replied. Miller looked at the communicator on his wrist, it had been over 10 hours since he first arrived at the engine bay. That must be why he felt so exhausted. 

“Doctor Hadrian, how closely have you been studying the engine itself? Was it ever used for anything beside providing power? I’m just curious, the design is foreign to me.” 

“Have you been around a lot of stellar engines, Miller? I’d think that most of them would be foreign to you. I’ve been studying it extensively, other than the employees who built it I’d say Doctor Marshall and I are the foremost experts on this engine in the whole solar system. It’s unusual and we weren’t given much information prior to the voyage, but with time I’m sure we’ll come to understand it,” she was speaking in a matter-of-fact manner but Miller felt that she was holding something back from him. 

“Foyle Corporation sent us on an over 6-month journey with no real destination and they didn’t give the two main researchers any information about the experimental engine powering the ship? That’s strange right, doctor?”

She studied him for a moment then replied, “I agree that it sounds strange Mr. Miller, but I’d suggest you return to your room and hopefully Doctor Marshall will be the one that’s awake when you return.” She motioned him toward the security lock back to the main research section. Miller walked down the hallway and scanned through the door, turning back to see Hadrian still looking at him as the door snapped shut with a silent gust of air. 

—————————–

Miller went back to the engine room several times after that, at Hadrian’s request. He spoke with Helena a few times, and she appeared to him in the spectral form that he had seen the first time they spoke. When she appeared, he found himself in the crystalline maze of the engine and then back out on the floor of the engine room afterwards. There were a few visits where he simply stood in the sterile room and softly said her name with no results. Hadrian questioned him after each visit, prying for more information but he did not reveal anything that he and Helena spoke about. He had still never seen Marshall, but the disorientation of being on the ship for so long had thrown off his estimation of time. 

The simplest solution was likely that he was being called when Hadrian herself was also awake and that Marshall did not care for his interference, but still he found it odd that he had never seen the other doctor. Hadrian spoke of him fondly, although the two were not romantically connected as far as he knew. Sometimes when she spoke of Dr. Marshall, Hadrian studied him for a few moments before resuming what she had been saying. 

 Chin and several of his colleagues had begun to suspect that he was seeing Hadrian for more than repairs, Miller attempted to dispel this as quickly as he could to no avail. They whooped and hollered each time he made the journey down to the core of the ship, and Miller responded with a crass hand gesture as he silently walked down the dimly lit hallway of the upper deck toward the core. 

He had started to dream of Helena and their conversations each night, dreams that felt as real as when they spoke. In truth, Miller was unsure of whether he was really speaking to this woman, the moments that they shared together  felt unreal in a way that he struggled to describe. There was a tenderness in her voice that reminded him of someone else, but more and more he could hardly remember his life before joining the Paragon.

He also had not spoken of his liaisons with her to anyone, not even Chin who he considered to be his best friend on the ship (not that he had many friends in his life to begin with). He wasn’t sure why, perhaps relaying the experiences to Hadrian or Chin made him nervous that they would think him a madman or it could have been that their conversations felt intimate and he wanted to keep what they discussed to himself. 

The first time that he had spoken with her after their initial meeting, Miller had been fixing a short in one of the power relays leading to the main deck. He stood up to examine the layout of the room and where the wires led and found himself surrounded by the crystal pillars of the engine. He heard her sigh softly and saw her moving toward him, black fog rolling off of her in a way that betrayed her physiology. 

“Helena…” He said softly. “It’s nice to see you again, I thought that I had dreamed the last time that we spoke.” 

“No, it was quite real and unreal at the same time for me as well. What do you see when you look at me? ” 

“A shadow on a wall, lit from the next room. Fog that pulled itself into a pleasing shape. The shape of a woman without everything you’d like to see.” 

She laughed, “I thought I may have been speaking to something other than a man the first time I met you. You look much the same to me; I feel your presence more than I see it.” 

“How is it that you seem familiar with where we are? Do you live here or are you pulled into being here like I am?” 

Helena paused for a moment, and he saw her turn away from him, “It’s not quite that simple Miller, and I almost would have preferred that you not appear here again. The more that I reveal, the more danger you would be in.” 

“What kind of danger?” He questioned. “No one even knows that I’m here, or that I have been here. But time seems different here, I came back hours after I had left the first time we met.” 

“That’s part of the issue. It seems that we’re further separated by the forces of nature than I originally thought.” she said softly. 

“How can that be possible? I mean nothing about this is normal, but even our high-speed space travel still must operate under the laws of physics. We haven’t even found a way to leave our own solar system yet, as far as I know at least.” 

“You’re not thinking broadly enough. It’s bigger than that, and I’m mostly here to monitor the situation. No one on my end thought that I’d see another person, much less speak to one like we are. I didn’t think I’d see you here after…”

She trailed off, as if she had said too much. Miller questioned her, “Helena, how long has it been for you since the first time we spoke?”

“For me it has only been about 3 days,” She continued, “From your expression, I can tell that it’s been a good bit longer than that. This is why I must be careful with what I say.”

“It’s been over four weeks for me Helena, how does that work? What can you tell me exactly?” 

“I have to go now Miller,” she turned quickly and he felt the cold of the floor of the engine room around him. 

Miller questioned several of the Foyle Corporation engineers that had joined the expedition at the last stop under the guise of fixing a power surge to the kitchen on the lower deck. One of them, a younger man who seemed fresh out of school, looked unnerved when he mentioned the engine at all. 

“You shouldn’t be spending too much time in that room, repairman. I was around on Mars when we put that thing together, and we all had a bad feeling about it. I never would have even gotten on board this ship if FC hadn’t sent me the work order.”

Miller took a moment to consider his response, “Did someone die while you were putting it together or something? You look spooked.”

“No, it’s stranger than that. The schematics for the engine came from a third party, some contractor that research and development had been working with. They said not to deviate whatsoever from what we were given; it had to be a 1-to-1 recreation of the plans. They would also only let certain employees work on it at any given time, weird stuff like they had to walk into the room backwards or face a certain direction when they brought materials in. 

“Curious, and were you aware of the kind of output that the engine was capable of? From what I know it’s significant.” 

“Forget whatever you know about it or this ship in general,” the engineer said while wiping his forehead with a cloth from his jumpsuit. “Just do your job and collect your check and go back to whatever rock you came from.” His eyes darted around the room, searching for an invisible listener. 

“What was so wrong with this engine that you’re so pressed?” Miller stood in the doorway of the engineer’s sleeping quarters, blocking the exit. 

“I’ll just say this, I’ve never worked on any power source that created energy without anything needing to be plugged in, inserted, or turned on. The thing radiates power, on a level even the senior engineers had never seen before. The funniest thing is that we never even started it off, once we screwed in the last bolt it just started producing enough energy to blow up the planet several times over. It doesn’t even make any noise, you can hold up something electrical nearby and it just gets power.”

Miller wondered how he had never noticed that before. There were plenty of cables connected to the engine going outward but nothing that would power the engine itself. This was in line with how Helena had described it, limitless and unassuming. Did she have one like it where she was from? 

The engineer had continued to drone on about his concerns over the engine, “… and that’s why a device with that level of energy output is a danger to everyone on board and frankly the entire solar system.” 

“Ok, I think I understand what you’re saying. I’ll make sure to be extra careful when I get called to the engine bay next. I’ll see you around.” 

Miller heard the man mutter under his breath as he walked away. He went back to his quarters, stopping to say hello to the other maintenance workers on the way. There were around 10 of them on board, which seemed like overkill. Strangely, Miller couldn’t seem to remember anyone else other than himself being called for any requests but he figured that Chin just assigned him the more difficult tasks which kept him out of the way of everyone else. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Upon returning to his room, he saw that he had received a message and laid down on his bed to read it. It was sent without a name: 

DOCTOR MARSHALL – REMEMBER

He was confused; he hadn’t even seen the other doctor in all his time working in the engine room or speaking to Hadrian. She had mentioned that his quarters were down the hall of her own, but the door was always sealed completely shut. He used the ship’s communication relay to call Marshall directly, but was met with silence when it was connected. He stood up and checked the time, due to the vast distances that star ships covered it was normalized to a local ship time, and realized that it was a bit outside of the hours that he would normally be in the engine room. 

Miller called Doctor Hadrian directly this time:

“Miller? What is it? Isn’t this when you’re normally off? Please don’t bother me while I’m running tests.”

“Running tests? Doctor, the only thing I’ve ever seen you do is sit at your desk waiting for me to come in after working in the engine room.” 

“We’re friendly, but don’t get fresh with me Miller. Beside the captain, I’ve got the most authority on this ship.”

“My apologies doctor, I just wanted to see if I could speak with Doctor Marshall if possible. I think I’ve received a message that was meant for him but there was no one listed as the sender.” 

He heard Hadrian pause for a moment.

“Miller, delete that message and come speak to me once you’ve rested. I think we may need to rotate you off the ship at the next landing.”

She ended the call, leaving Miller sitting in his room in silence. He considered what she had said and pulled his jumpsuit on, not bothering to lock the door as he entered the hallway and headed toward the engine bay.

The walk down to the lower levels felt different than normal, the researchers seemed to mostly be resting outside of a few sporadic screens that were lit up signifying those that were working later hours. He padded quietly through the room, only stopping to quietly greet those he passed to avoid arousing suspicion. As he grew closer to the security gate guarding the entrance to the lowest level, he felt a hot wave of paranoia surge through him. He ran through the sequence of events leading up to his time on the ship in his mind, and considered the time that had passed. Had he been on board the Paragon eight months or closer to ten? He couldn’t seem to recall what he had been doing before joining the crew, memories of his past were sporadic and faint. 

He breathed in and scanned his way through the door, it opened and closed quietly behind him. Creeping closer toward the door to Hadrian’s quarters, he instead headed to Doctor Marshall’s room. The automatic door was shut and seemingly sealed. He quietly removed a laser cutting tool from his belt and opened the electrical panel controlling the door. Strange familiarity guided his hands and suddenly the door opened into the complete darkness. He stepped inside carefully and reached for the light switch. Laying on the floor was the body of a man sealed inside a decomposition bag, meant for transporting the corpses of those unfortunate enough to expire in the cold vacuum of space. 

Cold fear replaced the paranoia and anxiety he had previously felt. He took a step closer and noticed the name printed on the body’s coat “MARSHALL.” Miller looked around the room frantically, but there was nothing out of order. A few reading tablets, a stack of books bound in expensive leather, and a perfectly made bed. The monitoring screens were all dark, and there were no signs of a struggle. He rose to re-examine the body, looking into the pale face of the corpse was like seeing his own reflection in a pool of murky water. He heard a low voice from behind. 

“Someone must have made a mistake.” 

It was Hadrian, she stood in the half darkness of the hall. Miller faced her, finding himself feeling afraid of the woman despite her smaller size. He looked around for a weapon and armed himself with a small sliver of metal that was left on one of the tables. They faced each other silently and Miller tried to remove any trace of emotion from his face. 

“Did you know about this, Doctor?”
“Miller, it’s best if you leave and forget about this. I need more time.”

“Time for what exactly? Why is Marshall dead, and why can’t I remember what I was doing before I boarded the ship?”

She sighed deeply, running her hands across her face. She seemed frustrated and annoyed, which seemed incongruent with the situation.

“Miller, I need you to come with me. Clearly something must be wrong with your sleep machine, the chemical aids you’ve been receiving are affecting your memory and your judgement.”

“I’m thinking quite clearly, Doctor. I need an explanation or I’ll have to report this to the captain.”

“Don’t be so quick to act. I can make things very difficult for you. I have more control over this ship than you realize.”

Miller brandished the pitiful weapon, and stepped toward her. When he was within arms reach of her, a splitting pain ran through his head which caused him to collapse. He looked up weakly at Hadrian. 

“You need to listen to me, you idiot. You’re going to ruin all of the work that we’ve been doing here. It’s not your fault that you’re feeling the way that you are, but the more you fight me the worse it will get for you.”

“What the hell is going on Hadrian, what are you doing to me?” Hencould barely keep his eyes open and he struggled to even speak.

“I can’t explain that to you now, but Doctor Marshall got caught up in something beyond his control. The same might happen to you if you’re not careful.”

He groaned and tried to stand, his legs felt numb and not his own. A voice rang through his head, cutting through the pain and confusion.

The engine room, Miller. Go now. You’ve upset her plans, there isn’t much time. 

It was Helena’s voice. Her words removed the pain from his body, but something was wrong with him, his mind was scrambled. Mustering all of his strength, he leaped up and pushed Hadrian to the ground as he rushed past her toward the engine. He heard her yelling as he sprinted down the hall. 

Faster. I can’t help you for long, you need to find me as soon as you can. 

He quickened his pace, the muscles in his legs feeling like they were made of rubber. He hurriedly opened the final security door leading to the engine and collapsed under the weight of his own flesh. He crawled raggedly toward the engine, Hadrian opening the door behind him while screaming his name. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

He found himself with Helena inside of the engine, the dim familiar light of the crystals illuminating her ghostly figure. She bent down to run her ethereal hands across his face, and he heard her weeping softly. 

“This wasn’t supposed to happen. We protested all of this and you had to be the hero and sacrifice yourself.”

“Helena, please tell me what’s happening,” Miller said weakly. “I need to know how to fix or stop whatever this is.”

“You can’t fix everything, my love,” she said as if she was afraid just the sound of her words would sap the last of his strength. 

“Who are you to me?” Miller righted himself and faced her.

“I thought that I was everything to you, but now I’m not so sure,” she said sadly. 

“I know you Helena, since the first time we spoke everything about you has been familiar to me. When I dream I see you but it’s not in this place, it’s like something from a life that I can hardly remember.” 

“This infernal device has taken everything from us, Miller. We’ve traded our lives and our humanity in the name of progress and the greater good.” 

“Tell me why I know you, Helena. Tell me why I can’t recall my life or the passage of time.” 

She turned away from him and spoke.

“We’re not from where you are now. The engine is a manifestation of something that’s beyond the laws of the universe, and we thought we could harness it. It allowed us to peer into other places, and then you were the one who discovered that we could step into them.”

“I…I discovered this?” Miller stammered.

“You were the most clever of us all. The engine of the ship you’ve been on is just a testing ground in what we deemed a disposable time and place. We’re under attack and need a weapon to retaliate with. Our enemies are far beyond what we’re capable of dealing with, so we went into hiding and salvation appeared to us. Where you came from, it doesn’t appear as an engine but as an interface of sorts, something that you and the Hadrian learned to utilize.” 

Miller’s head swam, he began to remember the conversations in cramped underground rooms. He heard the voices of others telling him that his ideas wouldn’t work and would endanger the few that they had left in hiding. He recalled Helena’s real touch and her face twisted in anger as he told her what his plans were. She had warned him that beyond the suicidal nature of his course of action, that there was a real possibility that they’d never see each other again.

Miller felt tears roll down his face as the weight of another world crashed down onto him. Everything was still so muddled, why couldn’t he remember?

“Darling, I’m so sorry. I should have stopped you.”

“How did it come to be like this?”

She paused and then continued,“You learned how to see into other worlds using the interface. You called it a Parallel Anomaly, something that exists on a higher plane than the physical that is both the same and different in every possible reality. It manifests and binds places that shouldn’t be bound together, it produces energy unlike anything we’d ever seen. At first we tried to develop it to destroy our enemies but the risks were too great, you and the others warned that we went too far that we could wipe ourselves out of existence.” 

“Helena, I’m just supposed to be a repair tech. I hardly even know how to do math, much less operate something like you’re describing. I’m nothing.”

“No Miller, you took the only way out that you could. But looking into the Parallel was changing you. You decided the only course of action was to send some of us to different places to develop a weapon where we wouldn’t risk our own existence. The initial volunteers were all reduced to nothing and you and Hadrian decided to use it yourselves.”

Miller was stunned. He could see Hadrian and Helena shouting at each other, about what would happen if they were destroyed like the others. Helena had tried to convince Hadrian to call it off but to no avail. He remembered what it felt like to kiss her the night before he left and how much it hurt him to feel her anger and sadness radiate into him. All of this had been his fault, for a people and place he could no longer even remember. 

The last thing that came to him were the moments before they crossed over, Miller willed the Parallel to work and he felt betrayal and jealousy from Hadrian as they disappeared into nothingness. He had sensed that she had lost her mind, either from fear of destruction or the exhilaration of escaping their doomed world. He had tried to stop the transition but it had gone too far. 

“Miller, come back to me. Don’t let your mind wander here, it’s not safe.”

“I’m trying to Helena, I can’t think straight. I don’t know why I did this, I thought I was making the right decision.”

“I know, my love. Hadrian used the engine to contact us, she told us that the Parallel had not simply transported you both but forced you into another version of yourselves.”

 “Doctor Marshall seemed to be your reflection on this side, but you ended up as you are now in the wrong body. She thought we had lost you in the transition, and tried to use the other doctor to continue the research but he saw through her charade and she was forced to end him .”

The structure of the space he and Helena shared began to shake violently, the otherworldly began to crack and twist as if wrung by an invisible hand.

“She’s trying to cut the connection between the Parallels, we don’t have much time. Hadrian realized who you were after our first meeting here despite your memory loss, she and I spoke and I tried to tell her to stop all of this but she said your mind was too fragile and I could risk destroying everything. Who knows how much she’s learned since you’ve both been there.”

“How can I stop this, Helena? I need you to help me.” 

He could see the helplessness on her face, the words would not come to her. 

“I don’t know, darling. It was all I could do to get that message to you, even now I can only speak with you because I can feel our connection even though you’re impossibly far away. You need to remember.”

Miller racked his brain, trying to bring to mind the life of another man in another place . He heard an argument between himself and Hadrian, debating the possibility of complete destruction if they used the Parallel incorrectly. He heard himself saying that testing it on the other side first would be the only safe way to do it, and she agreed quickly and urged him to work on a method of crossing over. He remembered how Helena had cautioned him against it, and how he ignored her. His betrayal became fresh in his mind and he looked away from Helena in shame. 

“I have to end all of this Helena, but I don’t know what will happen if I do. I may doom us all to an even worse fate. If I do nothing then Hadrian may strand herself on the other side, leaving you and the others to oblivion.”

She reached out and he took her hand in his, for the first time he could feel the warmth of her touch. 

“Darling, I trust you.” She caressed his face and embraced him, the black smoke of her ghostly arms rolling off of his body. 

Miller focused his mind and saw a thread connecting two different possibilities. Two realities, with countless lives, dreams, and despair. He willed them closer together, and there was an impossibly loud and violent reaction. He felt himself being squeezed and then stretched a million times in the span of a moment, and then over again for what felt like an eternity. He needed to change rather than separate. 

Everything stood still, he looked at Helena and held her tightly as he pushed existence together.

And then there was nothing.

———————————————————————————————————–

And then there was everything. 

Miller opened his eyes, he felt the heat and light of the sun on his face. He heard the sound of a waterfall, the smell of cooked food and spices. His body was strong again, and his mind clear. A touch on the back of his neck caused him to turn. Helena was in front of him, her face flushed with heat and as beautiful as the infinity that had been stretched out before him a few moments prior. 

“I know how much you like to be out here my love, but can you at least help me finish cleaning up first?” She laughed and pushed him playfully. 

Miller smiled, “Of course, just give me a few more minutes and I’ll be right in.”

“Tell you what, I’ve got a wishbone from the meal. If you get the bigger side I’ll let you stay out here as long as you want.” 

Miller nodded and she held it out between them. Holding the side opposite of her, he closed his eyes as they both pulled. He heard Helena laugh, and he took her in his arms to keep her from seeing him cry.